Live another day....

climb a little higher...find another reason to stay....ashes in your hands...mercy in your eyes...if you're searching for a silent sky...You won't find it here....look another way...you won't find it there...so die another day.........

I'm sitting here in the dark on the floor of our bedroom with a big black dog beside me while Brandon's sleeping. Bava's snoring softly and I'm reminiscing about my trip thinking how wonderful it was to meet my friends who I've had for years but never met in person. I received a beautiful email tonight that rounded out my trip.

The last couple days after my trip have been a little rough. Welcome back to reality, eh? :) Kind of like Cinderella after the ball. Lost my shoe and haven't found it ever since. I have found a sort of weird detached view on alllllll the "stuff" of life. Right now I'm looking back on my day and wondering what I was doing when it happened. Eating I think. I didn't keep my receipt or I'd know better an approximate time. You know? Like what were you doing..............when.

I lost my grandfather almost 12 hours ago. Probably when I was sitting feeling relaxed eating a salad. Oddly enough, I was feeling quite good about life during lunch, that I wasn't going to worry about "stuff".

I found out after going to the grocery store for some things for dinner. Strangely I didn't cry, then. I bawled my eyes out yesterday when I learned of the imminence of his death; when I found out he was being moved into hospice. I also cried talking to my mother when she'd called me back after I'd gotten home from the grocery store. Again upon seeing a post from my hubby including a photo of me, my Dad and my Gramps when we'd driven to get the XJ6 6 or 7 years ago...the same 6 or 7 years ago that led me to my friends who I was visiting earlier this week. Strange how fate comes back around...I did not however cry upon the news of his passing. Horribly I felt an alarming sense of relief that he was no longer suffering. He was in bad shape.

I'd like to think he's sitting with my Granny right now re-hashing the past several years they've been apart.

Gramps, I love you and will miss you. I'll see you another day.

What now?

Ever have one of those days/weeks/months/LIVES where it seems everything goes wrong?

Found out today that my elderly Grandfather was being put in hospice. He's almost 97 and has really gone downhill over the last year or so.

I re-read the email a couple times, swore outloud and much to my own chagrin cried. My boss happened to be in my office at the time. He im'd my buddy down the hall and told her to take me out of the office for awhile and see if that would help. She thought he was joking and said she was feeling bad too and wanted a beer. He said take her out and you two go do that! LOL What a guy.

I talked to my Dad who is down there now with him and my Aunt and heard just how bad he is. COPD, pneumonia, high WBC, poor breathing, semi-comatose. I also spoke to my Mom and had another good cry. It's bad. They're not thinking he'll last more than a week.

Gramps - I remember you taking my hand in New Hampshire in your garage on Juniper Lane up in North Hampton and asking me if I would like a milkshake. At the time you were putting away golf balls and my 4-year old immature mind thought for some reason that milkshakes were made with golf balls. I always found that intriguing and have a little smile when I think back on that. Granny will be so pleased to see you again after 19 years of being apart. You will always be someone I'll look up to...if we don't meet again in this life, I'll be looking for you in the next.

Melissa